MAYBE IT'S JUST ME, BUT...

If someone were to ask me, “What part of the process of adoption has surprised you the most?” I could sum it all up in one word: Loneliness.

I don't know a whole lot of people who have adopted, but of the ones I know, I never heard the word 'lonely' come out of their mouths. I myself have only mentioned it to my husband; and maybe one other friend, so who knows? Maybe the other adopters I know, have felt it too.

What do marriages, a birth, a death, a move and garage sales have in common? Support! Be it within a church body, or among a group of people who have never stepped foot in the door of a church; one only needs to make mention of one of these events and there is instant support. A wedding? A baby? Let's have a shower! Sure, you can use my truck to move – I'll even come over and help you unpack! Garage sale? I'll be there at 7 with coffee – I love garage sales!

Why don't people step up to help with adoptions? Why didn't I ever step forward in help of my friends before we felt the call to adopt? Why do moms and dads have to scream and shout across the blogosphere, “WE NEED HELP!!”? Maybe we think people who adopt are loaded. Maybe the size of their need is too intimidating to think that our $10 will make a difference. I don't know. And I certainly don't have the answer. Maybe it's just me...It seems so easy for some to adopt. They seem to breeze through fundraiser after fundraiser; volunteered for and put on by themselves and/or their loving friends and family. And then, that fabulous blog update pops up in your email box, “Praise Jesus, we're fully funded!”

So far, our experience has been, “Oh you're adopting huh? Awe, that's so wonderful! Boy, I could NEVER do that – y'all must be somethin' special to take that on, bless your hearts.......(can you hear the crickets?) I realize this sounds horribly cynical, and to be fair, there have been a few friends offer to hold a jewelry or makeup, etc. house party fund raiser for us. But who has the time for that? How do these superwomen fit fundraisers in and still keep their existing children clothed (with CLEAN clothes) and fed (healthy meals), and homework completed to boot? Every time I've tried to do a fundraiser, there is either little, to no response, or something crazy happens (ya, know, like – we bought our first house). I finally just threw up my hands and said, “Okay, I get it Lord. You want to do this. You want this 'can do' girl, to do nothing. Well, nothing but endless paperwork.

As you would expect from your garden variety rose-colored-glasses wearing naive schmuck, we started our adoption process last spring with gusto, thinking all would go smoothly, the Lord would move mountains (according to our time schedule), and we'd have our girl home in 6 months to be sure! Yeah. That hasn't happened. Things have been moving right along; albeit at the breakneck speed of refrigerated molasses. It has been a year since 'Rachel' stayed with us for three wonderful weeks during Christmas, and we seem to be eternally stuck on a document merry-go-round. Every time I think we have all of our documents correct and ready to send to Ukraine, something has to be redone, or re-notarized, or sent to a different state for apostille. Our latest surprise was being told that our medical checks had expired and needed to be redone. Not exactly an easy task, and not cheap either, seeing as I am the only uninsured member of our family. Ayayaye! What next? What other documents have expired? Round and round we go, where she stops, nobody knows! Our daughter turns 16 NEXT MONTH! I need that paperwork in Ukraine, like, a month ago! How in the living heck is all of this going to come together in time? Please Lord? Please will you give me the time to do a fundraiser? Or move someone else to fund-raise for me? I may look calm, cool, and collected on the outside, but on the inside, it is a daily struggle not to completely freak out.(!)

I know, I know – the adoption pros out there reading this are thinking, “Girl, welcome to adoption!”

I know I'm not alone. But dang it, it sure feels like it.

In light of all this, I have been begging the Lord for four days to speak to me. To show me exactly what He wants me to do (or to NOT do). I'd like to share what the Lord spoke to me tonight:

As a Christmas gift, we got our 9 year old son a devotional called, “Jesus Calling.” Right before he went to bed tonight, he says, “Mom, you've GOT to read today's devotional. It really good!”

“Okay!” - If my 9 year old thinks a Bible devotional is good, then I better read it! Based off of Isaiah 64:4, John 15:5, and Psalm 36:9, Here's what it read:

*** “I AM PREPARING YOU for what is on the road ahead, just around the bend. Take time to be still in My Presence so that I can strengthen you. The busier you become, the more you need this time apart with Me. So many people think that time spent with Me is a luxury they cannot afford. As a result, they live and work in their own strength – until that becomes depleted. Then they either cry out to Me for help or turn away in bitterness.
How much better it is to walk close to Me, depending on My strength and trusting Me in every situation. If you live in this way, you will do less but accomplish far more. Your unhurried pace of living will stand out in this rush-crazed age. Some people may deem you lazy, but many more will be blessed by your peacefulness. Walk in the Light with Me, and you will reflect Me to the watching world.” ***

Wow. Just wow. Thank you so much Lord. I can hardly wait to see what you will do! If you're of the mind; please continue to pray for our daughter 'Rachel'. We really miss her, and can hardly wait until she comes home.